Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Carrying Calling Cards

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

After making one's toilette with care, visitors should furnish themselves with cards.

Gentlemen ought simply to put their cards into their pocket, but ladies may carry them in a small elegant portfolio, called a card-case. This they can hold in their hand, and it will contribute essentially (with an elegant handkerchief of embroidered cambric,) to give them an air of good taste.

On visiting cards, the address is usually placed under the name, towards the bottom of the card, and in smaller letters. Mourning cards are surmounted with a broad black margin; half mourning ones, with a black edge only.

It is bad tone to keep the cards you have received around the frame of a looking-glass; such an exposure shows that you wish to make a display of the names of visitors.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - No Children or Dogs

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Ceremonious visits should be short; if the conversation ceases without being again continued by the person you have come to see, and if she gets up from her seat under any pretext whatever, custom requires you to make your salutation and withdraw.

If, before this tacit invitation to retire, other visitors are announced, you should adroitly leave them without saying much. If, while you are present, a letter is brought to the person you are visiting, and she should lay it' down without opening it, you must entreat her to read it. She will probably not do so, and-this circumstance will warn you to shorten your visit.

When you make a half-ceremonious call, and the person you are visiting insists upon your stopping, it is proper to do so, but after a few minutes you should rise to go; if you are urged still further, and are taken by the hands and made to sit down, as it were by force, to leave immediately would be impolite; but, nevertheless, after a short interval, get up a third time, and then certainly retire.

To carry children or dogs with one on a visit of ceremony, is altogether vulgar.
.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Leaving Cards & Recording Visits

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Should you not find the person you call on at home, leave a card.

With a friend or relation whom we treat as such, we do not keep an account of our visits.

The one who has most leisure, calls upon the one who has the least; but this privilege ought not to be abused; it is necessary to make our visits of friendship at suitable times. On the contrary, a visit of ceremony should never be made without keeping an account of it, and we should even remember the intervals at which they are returned, for it is indispensably necessary to let a similar interval elapse.

People in this way give you notice whether they wish to see you often or seldom. There are some persons whom one goes to see once in a fortnight; others, once a month; and others, less frequently.

In order not to omit visits, which are to be made, or to avoid making them from misinformation, when a preceding one has not been returned, persons who have an extensive acquaintance will do well to keep a little memorandum-book for this
purpose.
.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Propriety of Carriage or Body Language

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

At home and abroad the carriage of the body is as expressive as the tone of the voice, and perhaps more so, because it is more constant; it betrays to the observer all the shades of character, and you ought to be very careful of thus making a general confession, by affected manners, a pretending deportment, sneering ways, rough movements, a hard countenance, impertinent signs and looks,
simpering smiles, clownish gestures, a nonchalant and effeminate posture, or a carriage of the body distinguished by prudery and stiffness.

Young ladies, little habituated to the world, ought to be on their guard against excessive timidity, for it not only paralyzes their powers, renders them awkward, and gives them an almost silly air, but it may even cause them to be accused of pride, among people who do not know that embarrassment frequently takes the form of superciliousness.

How often does it happen that timid persons do not notice you at all, or answer in a low voice, and fail in numberless agreeable attentions, for want of courage! These attentions, and these duties, they discharge in petto, but who will thank them for if! A proper degree of confidence, but not degenerating into assurance, still less into boldness or familiarity, is then one of the most desirable qualities in the world. To obtain which, you must observe the tone, and the manner of polite and obliging people, take them for your guides, and under their direction make continual efforts to conquer your timidity...

Propriety in the carriage of the body is especially indispensable to ladies. It is by this that, in a walk, or any assembly, people, who cannot converse with them, judge of their merit and their good education.
.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Departing Guests

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

When visitors show any intention of leaving you, you ought affectionately to endeavour to detain them ; nevertheless, if their resolution seems immoveable, renew your invitations for another visit, and your regret at not having been able to succeed better in retaining them.

To do the honors of one's own house, it is necessary to have tact, address, and knowledge of the world, a great evenness of temper, and much affability. It is necessary to forget one's self, in order to be occupied with others, but without hurry or affectation; to encourage timid persons, and put them at their ease; and to enter into conversation, directing it with address rather than sustaining it ourselves.

The mistress of a house ought to be obliging, of an equal temper, and attentive in accommodating herself to the particular tastes of every one, especially to appear delighted that guests are with her, and make themselves perfectly at home.

They, on their part, should show themselves contented and grateful for the reception that is given; and should immediately on arriving at home, write to the persons who have entertained them, a letter of cordial thanks.
.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - Musical Chairs

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

When any one enters, whether announced or not, rise immediately, advance towards them, request them to sit down...If it is a young man, offer him an arm-chair, or a stuffed one; if an elderly man, insist upon his accepting the armchair; if a lady, beg her to be seated upon the sofa. If the master of the house receives the visitors, he will take a chair and place himself at a little distance from them; if, on the contrary, it is the mistress of the house, and if she is intimate with the lady who visits her, she will place herself near her.

If several ladies come at once, we give the most honourable place to the one who, from age, or other considerations, is most entitled to respect. In winter, the most honourable places are those at the corners of the fire-place: in proportion as they place you in front of the fire, your seat is considered inferior in rank. Moreover, when it happens to be a married lady, and one to whom we wish to do honour, take her by the hand, and conduct her to the corner of the fire-place. If this place is occupied by a young lady, she ought to rise, and offer her seat to the other, taking for herself a chair in the middle of the circle...

If a lady who receives a half ceremonious visit, is sewing, she ought to leave off immediately, and not resume it, except at the request of the visitor. If they are on quite intimate terms, she ought herself to request permission to continue. If a person visits in an entirely ceremonious way, it would be very impolite to work even an instant. Moreover, with friends a lady should hardly be ocupied with her work, but seem to forget it on their account.

In proportion as the visitor is a stranger, the master or mistress of the house rises, and any persons who may be already there, are obliged to do the same. If some of them then withdraw, the master or mistress of the house should conduct them as far as the door...It is no longer the custom to give the hand to ladies, but to offer them the arm...If she is to return in a carriage, we should politely hand her into it.
.

1825 Rules of Litchfield Female Academy in Connecticut

Litchfield Female Seminary in Connecticut

1st. You are expected to rise early, be dressed neatly and to exercise before breakfast . You are to retire to rest when the family in which you reside request you. You must consider it a breach of politeness to be requested a second time to rise in the morning or retire of an evening.

2nd. You are requested not only to exercise in the morning but also in the evening sufficiently for the preservation of health.

3rd. It is expected that you never detain the family by unnecessary delay; either at meals or family prayer. To be absent when a blessing is asked at table, or when the family have assembled to read the word of God, and to solicit his favor, discovers a want of reverence to his name, and shows that you have a cold heart destitute of gratitude to the author of all good.

4th. It is expected as rational and immortal beings that you read a portion of Scripture, both morning and evening with meditation and prayer. That you never read the word of God carelessly or make use of any Scripture phrase in a light or trifling manner 

5th. It is expected that you attend public worship every Sabbath, except some unavoidable circumstance prevent, which you will dare to present as a sufficient apology at the day of judgment.

6th. Your deportment must be grave and decent while in the house of God; all light conduct in a place of worship is not only offensive to God but an indication of ill breeding; and highly displeasing both to the good and the polite.

7th. The Sabbath must be kept holy, no part wasted in sloth, frivolous conversation or light reading. Remember that for all our time, but particularly for the hours of the Sabbath, you must give an account.

8th. Every hour during the week must be fully occupied either in useful employments, or necessary recreation. Two hours must be faithfully devoted to close study each day, while out of school: and every hour in school must be fully occupied. (For every hour wasted in school you must give yourselves a whole miss under the rules.) The ladies where you board must mention if you do not study your two hours each day.

9th. You must never interrupt your companions by talking, or any other disturbance during the hours of school, or those set apart for study.

10th. The hours appointed for any particular study or occupation must not be employed in any other way, but the appointed lesson.

11th. You must suppress all emotions of anger, fretfulness and discontent. Bear always in your memory the many blessings God is continually bestowing upon you, for which he requires not only contentment but a cheerful temper.

12th. The truth must be spoken at all times though it might seem more advantageous to tell a falsehood.

13th. You are expected to be polite in your manners, neat in your persons and rooms, careful of your books, clothes and every article of use.

14th. Tale bearing and scandal are odious vices and must be avoided: neither must you flatter your companions by any remarks on their beauty, dress or any accomplishment, in order to increase their vanity, and let every one thus flattered remember that such compliments are au insult offered to the understanding.


15th. While you are forbidden to repeat anything to the disadvantage of your companions, you are also requested to inform one of the teachers if you observe anything amiss in your school fellows which your teachers can correct. This not to be done from malice, but from a sincere desire for their reformation.

16th. Every scholar is bound to conform to the regulations of the family in which she resides. They are never to go out of an evening without permission from the lady who has the charge of them; are not to read any book, or engage in any amusement without her approbation.

17th. No young lady is allowed to attend any public ball, or sleigh party till they are more than 16 years old.

18th. Speaking or moving once in school hours either with or without liberty will take off a part of the extra —unless they move to recite or practice, or write at the tables — Speaking more than once will take off the whole extra and often give you a quarter of a miss.

19th. You must write a letter to be corrected and sent home to your friends once in four weeks — except excused. You must not write a careless note, or any careless writing. You must write a composition once in a fortnight, of 200 words. You must write at least 30 good lines in a week.

20th. You must have a lesson ready to recite when you first come into school.

21st. You must come in or go out of the school in a quiet genteel manner — you must not talk or laugh loud in the street.

22nd. You must not wear your party dresses, or any handsome lace, neither your best hats or shawls to school.

23rd. You must not walk for pleasure after 9 o'clock in the evening. A reward will be given to those who do not waste any money, books, clothes, paper or quills, during the term. To those who have their duties performed at the proper time. To those who have not been peevish, homesick or impolite. To those who always attend meeting or church. To those who never write carelessly.

1821 Rules of the Litchfield Female Academy in Connecticut

1821 Rules of the Litchfield Female Academy

Litchfield Female Seminary in Connecticut

(1) You are expected to rise early and be drest neatly, to exercise before breakfast and to retire to rest when the family in which you reside desire you to and you must consider it a breach of politeness if you are requested a second time to rise in the morning or retire in the evening. 

(2) You are requested not only to exercise in the morning but also in the evening sufficiently for the preservation of health.

(3) It is expected that you never detain the family by unnecessary delay either at meals or family prayers; to be absent when grace is asked at table or when the family have assembled to read the word of God and to solicit His favour discovers a want of reverence to His holy name a cold and insensible heart which feels no gratitude for the innumerable benefits received daily from his hand. 

(4) It is expected as rational and immortal beings that you read a portion of the scripture both morning and evening with meditation and prayer, that you never read the word of God lightly or make use of any scriptural phrase in a light manner. 

(5) It is expected that you attend public worship every Sabbath unless some unavoidable circumstance prevent which you will dare to offer as a suficient apology at the day of Judgment. 

(6) Your deportment must be grave and decent while in the house of God and you must remember that all light conduct in a place of worship is offensive to well bred people and highly displeasing to your Maker and Preserver. 

(7) The Sabbath must be kept holy no part of it wasted in sloth frivolous conversation or light reading. Remember dear youth that for every hour, but particularly for the hours of the Sabbath you must give an account to God. 

(8) Every hour during the week must be fully occupied either in useful employment or rational amusement while out of school: two hours must be employed each day in close study and every hour during the week must be fully occupied. 

(9) No person must interrupt their companions either in school or the hours devoted to study by talking, laughing, or any unnecessary noise. 

(10) Those hours devoted to any particular occupation must not be devoted to any other employment. Nothing great can be accomplished without attention to order and regularity. 

(11) The truth must be spoken at all times, on all occasions though it might appear advantageous to tell a falsehood. 

(12) You must suppress all emotion of anger and discontent. Remembering how many blessings God is continually bestowing upon you for which he requires not only contentment, but a cheerful temper. 

(13) You are expected to be polite in your manners, neat in your person and room, careful of your books and cloths, attentive to economy in all your expenses. 

A DEFINITION OF POLITENESS.
Persons truly polite will treat their superiors with respect and deference and their equals with affability and complaisance. They will never be boistrous or rude in their manners will never talk or laugh loud will avoid all vulger and profane words as both mean and sinful. They will never consider loud laughing a mark of wit or romping indicative of sprightliness. They will never smile at the mistakes of those who may happen to be more ignorant than themselves, will never make reports of the fault and failures of their misfortunes, but will on all occasions treat others as they would have others behave to them. result in their certificate, must never have lost 3 hours holiday for noise and must have to be shown at the close of the school three months journal or eight dissertations. 

(14) Talebearing and scandal are odious vices, and must be avoided: neither must you flatter your companions by remarks on their beauty, dress or any slight accomplishment in order to increase their vanity. 

(15) While you are forbidden to report things to the disadvantage of your companions, you are at the same time requested to inform oue of your teachers if you know of any conduct deserving of reproof not from malice but a true friend lest the fault should become a habit too strong to eradicate in future. 

(16) Every person is bound to conform to the rules of the family where she resides. She must never go out of an evening without the permission of the heads of the family where she resides, read no books, engage in no amusements without their knowledge and approbation. 

(17) Speaking or moving once whether with or without liberty will take off the extra and more than once will give J of a miss. Two hours holiday lost for noise in the same week will take off 30 credit marks. 

(18) Every person is forbidden to tell or be told in their lessons. The course of study prescribed for those who wish to take degrees will consist of the following branches —
Morses Geography, 
Websters Elements English Grammer, 
Miss Pierces History, 
Arithmetic through Interest, 
Blair's Lectures, 
Modern Europe, 
Ramsey's American Revolution, 
Natural Philosophy, 
Chemistry, 
Paley's Moral Philosophy, 
Hedge's Logic and 
Addision on Taste. 

If any person wishes to obtain the last honors of the school it will be necessary for them to have finished this course, and to have accomplished it in order. Should any person wish to study any of these branches to the exclusion of the rest they are at liberty to do it but they will be considered as having declined being candidates for the degree 

The candidates must answer 8/9 of their questions in all branches in General Examination. They must at no time have lost their whole holiday and in order to ascertain this they must have credit mark. They must never have lost more than one hour of their holiday for the same..

1814 Rules for The Litchfield Female Academy in Connecticut

Rules for the Girls at The Litchfield Female Academy

RULES FOR THE SCHOOL AND FAMILY. [Copied by Eliza Ann Mulford in 1814.] It is expected that every young Lady who attends this School will be careful to observe the following rules.

The Litchfield Female Academy in Connecticut

1 To be always present at family prayers

2 It is hop'd that each young Lady will read a portion of scripture in private and regularly address her Maker - Morning and evening. They who begin the day in prayer will probably find cause to end it in praise.

3 Let our Saviours maxim be follow'd at all times. Do unto others, as you would they should do unto you.

4 Avoid anger, Wrath and evil speaking. a tale bearer separates chief Friends.

5  It is expected public Worship be attended every sabbath except sickness or some unavoidable circumstance prevents, which you will dare to produce as a sufficient excuse at the day of Judgement.

6  It is expected that your outward deportment be grave and decent, while in the house of God and that you be more ready to hear, than give the sacrifice of fools.

7 The sabbath is to be kept holy throughout not wasted in sloth, frivolous conversation, light reading, or vain employment, but every moment must be employed in endeavoring to improve your own heart in doing good to others Those who honour my sabbath, I will honour is the promise of the great and unchangable God

8 It is expected that every hour during the week be fully accomplish'd, either in useful employment or necessary recreation Keep always in remembrance that time is a most invaluable blessing, and that for all our time but — particularly for the hours of youth and health you must give an account to God.

9 Every real Lady will treat her superior with due reverence, her companions with politeness, good humor she will always show, a sweet temper, a modest deportment on all occasions, never forgetting what is due to all persons in every situation.

10 Those hours appropriated for any particular study, must not be employed in other occupation. Nothing can be well done without proper attention to regularity & there is time enough to acquire every useful and elegant accomplishmt provided order be observed

11 Profusion in expenses, a want of Neatness and economy, a stupid inattention to instruction, are indications of a bad heart and must be avoided.

12 Each young lady must observe the particular rules of the family in which she resides.

QUESTIONS to ask yourself.

Have you rose early enough for the duties of the morning.

Have you read a portion of scripture by yourself.

Have you prayed to that God in Whose hands your breath is.

Have you in all cases done unto others as you would be done by.

Have been angry

Have spoke evil of any one.

Have you attended public worship.

Have you behaved in the house of God with that reverence due to his holy Character.

Have you wasted any part of holy time by idle conversation, light reading, or sloth.

Have you wasted any time during the week.

Have you shown decent and respectful behaviour to those who have the charge over you - Your parents, elders, Brothers and sisters, teachers, domestics, the aged or people who are older then yourself.

Have you been patient in acquiring your lessons.

Have you been polite and good humored to your Companions

Have you been modest in your deportment not boistrous or rude.

Have you spoken the truth as all tho it were to your hurt Have you used the name of God irrevently or spoken any thing which is a brief of the third Commandmant.

Have you spoken any indecent word or by any action discovered a want of true feminine delicacy.

Have you been neat in your person, made no unnecessary trouble by carelesness in your chamber or with your clothes.

Have you torn your clothes, books, or maps.

Have you wasted paper, quills, or any other articles.

Have you walked out without liberty.

Have you combed your hair with a fine tooth comb, and cleaned your teeth every morning.

Have you eaten any green fruit during the week.