Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Polite Reserve

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Remember that the principal beauty in the female character, is modesty to all, and polite reserve to those you know little regarding; modesty is of itself so beautiful, that it often conquers when a pretty face or a handsome form is overlooked.

Never be afraid to blush when the feeling is genuine, but never affect to blush when you do not feel it—remember that blushing is more frequently the attendant of innocence than of guilt .

Modesty does not only show itself in the face, but also in the dress, and more particularly in the manner, and is always a proof of good and liberal education; no lady can be polite who is not modest and retiring; female politeness is itself the very essence of modesty.

It is much better for a lady to say too little in company than too much; her conversation should always be consistent with her sex and age; and although it may sometimes be bright and witty, yet it should not always be so.

Men frequently look with a jealous eye on a learned woman, and are apt to denominate her a blue; be cautious, therefore, in a mixed company of showing yourself too much beyond those around you. To a mind well formed there is more real pleasure derived from the silent consciousness of superiority, than in the ostentatious display of it . It is possible to be silent, and yet not dull,—the silent eyes are often a more powerful conqueror than the noisy tongue; but be not, therefore, apparently careless to the conversation of others,— yes the eyes can tell whether you are absent or not, although the mouth gives no audible token of presence.

Pattern for Arts & Crafts & for the 19C US Mission Style

William Morris (1834-1896) 1876 Pimpernel

I must admit; that I have been feeling the need for a little order in my life, the kind of visual order offered by pattern. The most famous 19C English pattern & craft devotee was William Morris (1834-1896), who believed that art & society are inextricably linked. 

The Arts & Crafts movement initially developed in England during the latter half of the 19C. Subsequently this style was taken up by American designers, with somewhat different results. In the United States, the Arts & Crafts style was also known as Mission style. This movement, which challenged the tastes of the Victorian era, was inspired by the social reform concerns of thinkers such as Walter Crane & John Ruskin, together with the ideals of reformer & designer, William Morris.

Art for Morris meant not only the fine arts of painting & sculpture but "that great body of art by means of which men have at all times ... striven to beautify the familiar matter of everyday life."
William Morris (1834-1896) 1885 Fritillary

He believed that such art arose from a basic human instinct to create, & was "a joy to the maker & user alike" which satisfied personal creative talent & enriched society as a whole.

William Morris (1834-1896) 1873 Acanthus Wallpaper

But the traditions upon which such art rested - the skills of the artist-craftsman, which Morris saw exemplified in medieval workshop practice & the guild system - had been eroded.

William Morris (1834-1896) 1874 Larkspur Wallpaper, polychrome version

Since the Renaissance, the concept of the artist as a unique & special genius had led to a diminution in status of the craftsman & an inevitable division between the fine & decorative arts.

William Morris (1834-1896) 1881 St. James
This distinction had a particularly adverse effect on applied art, especially during the 18th-century, when the rise of an affluent middle class led to an increased demand for furniture & furnishings. In 1861, William Morris founded the decorative arts firm of Morris, Marshall, Faulkner & Co to undertake carving, stained glass, metal-work, paper-hangings, chintzes (printed fabrics), & carpets.

William Morris (1834-1896) 1876 Chrysanthemum Wallpaper
Morris revived old crafts & traditions, often immersing himself in historical texts or seeking out craftsmen from whom he could learn dying arts. The company's offerings soon extended to include, besides painted windows and mural decoration; furniture; metal & glass wares; cloth & paper wall-hangings; embroideries; jewelry; woven & knotted carpets; silk damasks; & tapestries.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - Avoid Indelicate Expressions

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Avoid all indelicate expressions, and appear not to understand any that may be uttered in your presence. Some ladies not only relish double entendres, but actually use them. Yet, however much it may create a feeling of cleverness at the moment, cool reflection is afterwards sure to condemn it both on the part of the speaker and listener. Such discourse, wanton glances, and lightness of carriage, are considered by men as gauntlets to dare them to speak and act in a more free and unguarded manner than they otherwise would have the boldness to do.

Let it be impressed upon your mind, that many ladies have lost their character through a little indiscretion on these heads—and it is as bad with the world to appear to have lost caste, as really to have lost it.

19C Sisters & Sisterhood

James Peale (1749-1831) Sisters Anna and Mararetta Peale

Edmund Charles Tarbell (1862-1938)The Sisters

Edmund Charles Tarbell (1862-1938) Portrait of Josephine and Emiline Tarbell

Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood. Gloria Steinem

Edmund Charles Tarbell (1862 – 1938) Three Sisters - A Study in June Sunlight 1890
John Singer Sargent (1856 - 1925). Ena and Betty, Daughters of Mr. and Mrs. Asher Wertheimer 1901.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - The Propriety of Deportment

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Propriety of deportment...is a happy union of the moral and the graceful, and should be considered in two points of view; it ought, therefore, to direct us in our important duties, as well as in our more trifling enjoyments.

When we regard it only under this last aspect, some contend that mere intercourse with the world gives a habit and taste for those modest and obliging observances which constitute true politeness; but this is an error. Propriety of deportment is the valuable result of a knowledge of one's self, and of respect for the rights of others; it is a feeling of the sacrifices which are imposed on self esteem by our own social relations; it is, in short, a sacred requirement of harmony and affection.

But the usage of the world is merely the gloss, or rather the imitation of propriety; and when not based upon sincerity, modesty, and courtesy, it consists in being inconstant in every thing, and amusing itself by playing off its feelings and ridicule against the defects and excellencies of others. Thanks to custom, — it is sufficient, in order to be recognised as amiable, that she who is the subject of a malicious pleasantry may laugh as well as the author of it.

The usage of the world is, therefore, often nothing: more than a skilful calculation of vanity, a futile game, a superficial observance of form, a false politeness, which would lead to frivolity or perfidy, did not true politeness animate it with delicacy, reserve, and benevolence. Would that custom had never been separated from this virtuous amiability! We should then never see well intentioned, and good people, suspicious of politeness; and when victims to the deceitful, justly exclaim with bitterness, "This is your woman of politeness!" nor should we ever have made a distinction between the fixed principles of virtue, and what is fit and expedient.

The love of good, in a word, virtue, is then the soul of politeness; and the feeling of a just harmony, between our interest and our social relations, is indispensable to this agreeable quality. Excessive gaiety, extravagant joy, great depression, anger, love, jealousy, avarice, and generally all the passions, are too often dangerous shoals to propriety of deportment.

19C Artists & Those Glorious Japonisme Goldfish

Henri Matisse (1869-1954). The Goldfish 1911
Childe Hassam (1859-1935) The Goldfish Window
Richard (Edward or Emil) Miller (1875–1943). The Gold Fish Bowl
Henri Matisse (1869-1954). Goldfish and Sculpture 1912
Charles Courtney Curran (1861-1942) Goldfish
Henri Matisse (1869-1954). Goldfish and Palette, 1914
Paul Klee (1879-1940). The Golden Fish, 1925
Charles Courtney Curran (1861-1942) The Goldfish
Gertrude Fiske (1879-1961) Goldfish
Henri Matisse (1869-1954). Woman Before an Aquarium 1921
Gustav Klimt (1862-1918). Goldfish
Henri Matisse (1869-1954) The Window 1914
Childe Hassam (1859-1935) Bowl of Goldfish, 1912
Paula Modersohn-Becker (1876-1907) 1906 Goldfish.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 -Moderation in Everything

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Moderation in everything is so essential, that it is even a violation of propriety itself, to affect too much the observance of it. It is to propriety, its justice and attractions, that we owe all the charm of sociality... In an assemblage of truly polite people, all evil seems to be unknown; what is just, estimable, and good, or what we call fit or suitable, is felt on all sides; actions, manners, and language, alike indicate it.

And if we place in this select assembly, one who is a stranger to the advantages of a polite education, she will at once be made sensible of the value of it, and will immediately desire to display the same urbanity by which she has been pleased.

If politeness is necessary in general, it is not less so in particular cases. Neither rank, talents, fortune, nor beauty, can dispense with this amenity of manners; nor can anything inspire regard or love, without graceful affability, mild dignity, and elegant simplicity...a kind smile, or an affectionate tone, penetrates the heart more deeply than the most brilliant elocution.

As to the technical part of politeness, or forms alone, the intercourse of society, and good advice, are undoubtedly useful; but the grand secret of never failing in propriety of deportment, is to have an intention of always doing what is right. With such a disposition of mind, exactness in observing what is proper appears to all to possess a charm and influence; and then not only do mistakes become excusable, but they become even interesting from their thoughtlessness and naivete. Be, therefore, modest and benevolent, and do not distress yourself on account of the mistakes of your inexperience; a little attention, and the advice of a friend, will soon correct these trifling errors.

More 19th-Century American Women & Their Offspring by Ammi Phillips (1788-1865)

Ammi Phillips (1788-1865) c 1836 Ammi Phillips. Augusta Maria Foster

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Mrs Day

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Hannah Bull Thompson

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Jeanette Payne

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Mary Elizabeth Smith

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Old Woman with a Bible

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Wife of the Journalist

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Young Girl and Her Cat

Ammi Phillips (1788–1865) Portrait of a Woman

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Receiving Guests At Home

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

To receive visitors with ease and elegance, and in such a manner that every thing in you, and about you, shall partake of propriety and grace, to endeavor that people may always be satisfied when they leave you, and be desirous to come again, are the obligations of the master, and especially of the mistress, of a house.

Every thing in the house ought, as far as possible, to offer solid comfort, and true grace.

Perfect order, exquisite neatness and elegance, which easily dispense with being sumptuous, ought to mark the entrance of the house, the furniture, and the dress of the lady.

Taking Afternoon Tea

William McGregor Paxton (1869-1941) Detail Tea Leaves 1909.

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - Receive Guests in the Parlor NOT the Dining Room

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

In a house where affluence abounds, it is indispensable to have a drawing-room; if that cannot be afforded, then let the receiving room be the parlour.

To receive company in a dining-room is not allowed, except among those who cannot bear the expense of furnishing a parlour or drawing-room. Simplicity admitted into an apartment of this kind, suited to smallness of means, we cannot but approve, while we regret, nevertheless the disagreeable things to which such a residence subjects the parties.

But we have, in this respect, an express warning to hold out to people who give themselves up to it unnecessarily, for it is altogether opposed to the received usages of good society to put yourselves in a situation which you cannot adorn; then you are exposed to receiving twenty visits during dinner, of seeing as many interruptions during the setting of your table, since it is impossible to spread the cloth properly, etc. while strangers remain; finally, of having them witness your domestic cares while removing the remains of a repast, the table-cloth, dishes, etc.

Going to the Post Office

 

Edward Lamson Henry (American Painter, 1841-1919) Cragsmoor Post Office 1903

Edward Lamson Henry (1841–1919) was an American genre painter born in Charleston, South Carolina who came to live in New York at an early age. As a painter of early American life, he displays a quaint humour. Henry acquired an extensive collection of antiques, old photos, & assorted Americana, from which he researched his paintings. His wife Frances said that "Nothing annoyed him more than to see a wheel, a bit of architecture etc. carelessly drawn or out of keeping with the time it was supposed to portray.”

1863 - Women as Florists in the USA

Jean Frederic Bazille (French Impressionist Painter, 1841-1870) Woman Preparing Flower Arrangement

1863 American Women as Florists. The rearing of flowers has ever been a charming pastime to many of our sex. When the pleasure can be combined with profit, it is well. The cultivation of flowers is a taste whose beneficial results are not sufficiently appreciated. When the cares & troubles of life begin to press upon men & women, they are apt to neglect the cultivation of flowers, when it might absorb some of the cares that burden their hearts.

Vines, roses, & ornamental fruit trees cost but a small sum, & yet how much they add to the beauty & comfort of a place! Most of the choice roses of our country are from cuttings imported from France. They are brought over in jars. Many, of course, die on the voyage. The variety is very great.

The selling of roots, plants, & bouquets is quite remunerative in some places. Much depends on the knowledge & skill of the fiorist, the location of his gardens, & the fondness of the people in the community for flowers. It is a delightful business for a lady, if she has men to do the planting, digging, & other hard work.

In Paris, there is a market devoted to the sale of flowers. In most of the markets of our large cities, are exposed for sale pot plants & bouquets, also shrubs & evergreens. A florist told me that he employs two women in winter to make up bouquets & wreaths for ladies going to evening & dinner parties, concerts, & other places of amusement. It requires taste & ingenuity. He pays each $5 per week. They can make up wreaths to look like artificial flowers.

A woman on Long Island makes a living by raising flowers that are sold in New York. I was told that some lady has established a horticultural school on Long Island. Florists in & near cemeteries are apt to find sale for flowers & plants. Hence it is common to observe gardens & hot houses so located. I rode out to a florist's near Brooklyn. He says the business is not so good as it was, because the Germans in Hoboken raise flowers & sell bouquets for sixpence that he could not sell for twentyfive cents. The man does not send bouquets to the city, as it does not pay. Their profits are mostly derived from the sale of choice fruit trees raised at Flushing. They sell bouquets at their hot houses from a shilling up to $5.

They derive most profit from flowers in winter. A florist's occupation is healthy, & affords much pleasure to one fond of flowers. Yet it requires close attention to business. In England it was formerly customary to serve a seven-years' apprenticeship at the business, but three or four years will answer very well, if an individual gives undivided attention to his business, & is with a superior florist. A knowledge of botany is necessary to a florist. It requires considerable taste to make up a bouquet, & therefore is very appropriate to women. A knowledge of colors & their artistic arrangement is essential; also a natural taste for flowers, & some patience. Making bouquets, wreaths, &c., is slow work. The stems of flowers for bouquets are cut very short, as most of the nutriment of the stem is lost to the succeeding ones by cutting long ones. Artificial stems are added to the natural ones, & are usually made of broom straw or ravelled matting.

Mrs. F., the wife of a florist, says the wives of most florists assist their husbands in making up bouquets, wreaths, & baskets. She thinks, if a florist had enough to do to employ a lady, he would pay her $3 or $4 a week. She, has often thought a small volume might be written on the flower business in New York. She says no one has an idea of the amount of money expended for flowers. Mr. D. used to send out $1,000 worth of flowers on New Year's morning. It is a very irregular employment. Some days she sells a great many for balls, parties, & funerals.

One might learn to make bouquets, if they have taste & judgment, by a few months' practice. The flowers that are sold at different seasons vary greatly, & the value of them depends much on their age. Mrs. F. has sold a few baskets of flowers at $50 apiece. She sells many flowers for Roman Catholic churches about Easter. Mrs. R. says florists prefer to have men, because they can work in the garden or green house when not cutting or putting up flowers.

The Germans have run the business down in New York. A florist named Flower writes: “We employ from two to four women tying buds, hoeing, weeding, &c.; in winter they help about grafting. They are paid fifty cents a day, of ten hours. Women so employed are German born. The employment is healthy. Men get 75 cents a day, as they can do more work; but the principal reason for employing women is, that we can hire them cheaper & like them better for light work. Women could do all parts of our business, if they had a fair chance with men, & would improve the chance. One year would give a general knowledge, but five would be better. A good, sound constitution, & industrious habits, are the best qualifications. Women that want such work can find plenty of it; but outdoor work is too hard for American women.” Another florist writes : “In Europe, where women are sometimes employed in fruit or vegetable gardens, their wages are usually about half a man's. Women (chiefly Germans) are employed in this country by farmers to pick fruit, vegetables, &c., by the quantity. At light work, done by contract, women, I believe, can make as much as men. Several years would be necessary to learn the business ; some branches of it might be learned in a few weeks. The requisite most needed for women to work in green houses, is a change of fashion. Their dress unfits them altogether for moving about in crowded plant houses. Were their dress similar to the men's, I see no reason why they would not be equally useful in other departments as well as this. If that should ever happen, they would, in my opinion, be worth as much as men; for the work is mostly light, & ladies, having a natural taste for flowers, would soon learn it. If you have gone through green houses, you cannot but know the difficulty of doing so without breaking everything. Men, at this kind of work, are not fully employed in winter.” A lady florist writes: “I sometimes  think my nervous excitability is to some extent caused by an excess of electricity, derived from the earth or flowers with which I work."

From  The Employments of Women: A Cyclopaedia of Woman's Work by Virginia Panny Published Boston, MA. by Walker, Wise & Company. 1863

To read about women's changing roles in the 2nd half of the 19th century. see:

Boorstin, Daniel. The Americans: The Democratic Experience. New York:Random House, 1973.

Clinton, Catherine. The Other Civil War: American Women in the Nineteenth Century. New York: Hill and Wang, 1984.

Cott, Nancy. A Heritage of Her Own: Toward a New Social History of Women. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1979.

Cott Nancy. History of Women in the United States, Part 6, Working the Land. New York: K. G. Saur, 1992.

Degler, Carl. At Odds: Women and the Family from Revolution to the Present. New York: Oxford University Press, 1980.

Green, Harvey. The Light of the Home: An Intimate View of the Lives of Women in Victorian America. New York: Pantheon Books, 1983.

Juster, Norton. So Sweet to Labor: Rural Women in America 1865-1895. New York: The Viking Press, 1979.

Kessler-Harris, Alice. Out to Work: A History of Wage Earning Women in the United States. New York: Oxford University Press, 1982

Mintz, Stephen and Susan Kellogg. Domestic Revolutions: A Social History of American Family Life. New York: Free Press; London: Collier Macmillan, 1988.

Ryan, Mary P. Womanhood in America front he Colonial Times to the Present. New York: F. Watts, 1983.

Smith-Rosenberg, Caroll. Disorderly Conduct: Visions of Gender in Victorian America. New York: Oxford University Press, 1985.

Strasser, Susan. Never Done: A History of American Housework. New York Pantheon Books, 1982.

Welter, Barbara. Dimity Convictions : the American Woman in the Nineteenth Century. Athens : Ohio University Press, 1976.

Winter Paintings by American Artist William Merritt Chase (1849-1916)

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William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Beatrice Clough Bachmann

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Portrait of a Woman 1885

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Mrs William Merritt Chase (Alice Bremond Gerson) 1890

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Contemplation 1889

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Mrs Leslie Cotton 1888

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) A Lady in Brown

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Mrs William Merritt Chase (Alice Bremond Gerson) in a White Shawl

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Mrs William Merritt Chase (Alice Bremond Gerson) 1892

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Irene Dimock

William Merritt Chase (1849-1916) Lydia Field Ammet 1892
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