Women in the 19C United States of America: Etiquette for American Ladies 1840

Thursday, November 18, 2021

Etiquette for American Ladies 1840 - On Polite Reserve

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and Display of Female Beauty. Published by Lea and Blanchard, Philadelphia. 1838-1840

Remember that the principal beauty in the female character, is modesty to all, and polite reserve to those you know little regarding; modesty is of itself so beautiful, that it often conquers when a pretty face or a handsome form is overlooked.

Never be afraid to blush when the feeling is genuine, but never affect to blush when you do not feel it—remember that blushing is more frequently the attendant of innocence than of guilt .

Modesty does not only show itself in the face, but also in the dress, and more particularly in the manner, and is always a proof of good and liberal education; no lady can be polite who is not modest and retiring; female politeness is itself the very essence of modesty.

It is much better for a lady to say too little in company than too much; her conversation should always be consistent with her sex and age; and although it may sometimes be bright and witty, yet it should not always be so.

Men frequently look with a jealous eye on a learned woman, and are apt to denominate her a blue; be cautious, therefore, in a mixed company of showing yourself too much beyond those around you. To a mind well formed there is more real pleasure derived from the silent consciousness of superiority, than in the ostentatious display of it . It is possible to be silent, and yet not dull,—the silent eyes are often a more powerful conqueror than the noisy tongue; but be not, therefore, apparently careless to the conversation of others,— yes the eyes can tell whether you are absent or not, although the mouth gives no audible token of presence.

About this blog

In colonial America, men were considered superior to woman in all ways. In a strict patriarchal hierarchy, men controlled not only wealth & political power but also how their children were raised, religious questions, & all matters of right & wrong.

In the early part of the 19Cy, however, many Americans experienced a revolution in gender. The doctrine of “separate spheres” maintained that woman’s sphere was the world of privacy, family, & morality while man’s sphere was the public world -– economic striving, political maneuvering, & social competition. But women were interested in equality.

In 1848, New York passed the Married Woman’s Property Act. Now a woman wasn’t automatically liable for her husband’s debts; she could enter contracts on her own; she could collect rents or receive an inheritance in her own right; she could file a lawsuit on her own behalf. She became for economic purposes, an individual. By 1900, every state has passed legislation modeled after this, granting married women some control over their property and earnings.

In 1870 after the Civi War, the 15th Amendment was ratified, saying, “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.” African-Americans could vote, but women could not.

But it was not until 1920, that the 19th Amendment was ratified granting women the right to vote. “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.”